This week, the Trump Administration announced its plan for “America’s Harvest Box,” a food-delivery box to replace some SNAP funds distributed to qualifying recipients. While the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program has traditionally focused primarily on supplementing the nutrition of low-income Americans, Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders said in a press conference that President Trump sees an opportunity to capitalize on the program to further the Administration’s Make America Great Again agenda. Nutrition will take a backseat to new goals and benchmarks, like appealing to the interests of farm lobbyists and taking advantage of a government-paid direct mail campaign to recruit new Trump supporters ahead of the 2018 and 2020 elections.
When asked about the public reaction to the new program, Huckabee Sanders said, “We hear that potential recipients are excited about the Harvest Boxes. While meal-kit delivery services like Blue Apron and HelloFresh have catered to the kale-obsessed tastes of their coastal elite customers, the items included in each Harvest Box will be carefully selected with the palate of real, low-income Americans in mind. It seems that SNAP recipients aren’t interested in spending their impossibly low food budgets on a $20 whole chicken or apples that cost $4 per pound, which is why you won’t find any fresh produce, meat, or dairy in our boxes.”
Here’s a look at what’s inside:
1. Complimentary MAGA hat (included in first shipment only)
2. Two cans of condensed milk (expired)
Items 3-5. Hot or cold cereal, protein bars, snack food, and/or dessert made with corn-derived ingredients
Items 6-8. Hot or cold cereal, protein bars, snack food, and/or dessert made with soy-derived ingredients
9. Percentage of FEMA’s leftover Vienna Sausages from Puerto Rico
10. Assortment of religious pamphlets, courtesy of (and personally selected by) Vice President Mike Pence
11. One box of Hamburger Helper (ground beef not included)
12. Signed photograph of President Trump at work (have you heard of it, you lazy grifter?) in the Oval Office
13. Jar of peanut butter (always smooth, never crunchy)
14. Leaked peanut oil from the above jar, all over the box and everything inside of it, especially if you have a peanut allergy
15. One can each of green beans, peas, and corn
BONUS: All female Harvest Box recipients will also get a special sample of Doritos’ new “Lady Chips,” as a reminder that President Trump is great for women and definitely knows how to please them.